Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
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It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.