my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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