I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.