can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel