i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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