drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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