Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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