I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
