She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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