i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
