There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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