My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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