Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
