He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
