I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
