3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
