You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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