Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
