she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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