This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
