Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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