I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
