Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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