I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
