i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
