We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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