I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
