I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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