Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
