But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
