could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize