all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
