I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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