Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
