How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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