; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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