I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
