well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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