You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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