i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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