Quick, to the slutcave!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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