At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
high people should be assigned attendants
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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