I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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