Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
