Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
