How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
