I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
