my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
