dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
