we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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