If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
