I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
