So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
PANTIES FOUND
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