Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
