I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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