New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
