I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize