she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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