hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
