watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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