i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
