sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
