I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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