We named our party play list daddy issues
handjob tips. give me some.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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