I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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